Teaching Gratitude to Kids: The Japanese Habit of Thanks

Learn how itadakimasu, okagesama, thank-you cards, and daily greetings teach Japanese children gratitude, and how families anywhere can build the same easy habits.

Published October 19, 2026 at 11:17 AM JST | By Tokyo Paul

Quick answer: Japanese families teach gratitude through small daily phrases and rituals. Children say itadakimasu before eating and gochisosama after, greet people each day, and learn okagesama, a word that credits others for one's good fortune. They also thank relatives for New Year money and gifts. These repeated, simple habits turn thankfulness into a routine instead of a lecture.

Arigato and the habit of daily thanks

Arigato is the everyday word for "thank you," and children in Japan hear it from the first months of life. Parents say it to babies who hold out a toy, to toddlers who carry a cup to the table, and to each other. Modeling comes first: a child who hears thanks at home learns to use it without being told.

The phrase has many polite forms. Arigato gozaimasu is the standard polite version, and doumo arigato gozaimasu is a stronger one. Young children often start with a simple arigato and add the polite ending as they grow. Teachers at daycare and kindergarten gently remind children to look at the person and say it clearly.

Gratitude is also physical. A small bow often goes with the words, and bows of thanks follow the same general pattern as other bows, with a deeper bow suggesting more respect. Even a toddler's tiny nod is praised, and it shows that thanks can be expressed with the whole body.

Itadakimasu and gochisosama: thanks at every meal

Meals are the most familiar daily gratitude ritual. Before eating, Japanese children put their hands together and say itadakimasu, literally "to humbly receive." According to the Wikipedia article on the phrase, it expresses gratitude and respect for everything that made the meal possible, including natural elements, the people who grew the food, and those who prepared it. The article says the practice may go back to the Asuka period and was encouraged by a Buddhist sect over time.

After the meal, diners say gochisosama-deshita, a polite phrase meaning roughly "thank you for the feast." The preparer often replies with osomatsusama-deshita, according to the Wikipedia article on etiquette in Japan. Children learn both phrases as a pair.

The phrases give everyone a shared moment. At home, a parent can wait until the whole family is seated, and then say itadakimasu together. In schools and daycare centers, the same words are commonly said as a group. Because the ritual repeats every day, children begin to say it automatically.

Okagesama: thanks to everyone who helped

Okagesama (often heard as okagesama de) is a word that means roughly "thanks to you" or "thanks to everyone's support." People use it when answering a question such as "How are you?" by saying one is well thanks to others. The word credits others for one's good condition, and it reflects a view that no one succeeds entirely alone.

For children, okagesama can be taught in short examples. After a sports day, a parent might say that the team did well thanks to the coach, the friends, and the family who cheered. After a birthday, a child can think about who helped make the day happen. Because the word is already common among adults, children hear it in conversation and slowly absorb the idea.

It also connects to mottainai, the sense of regret over waste. According to the Wikipedia article on mottainai, many people in Japan consider it rude to leave even a single grain of rice in the bowl. Together these words encourage children to notice how much effort sits behind food and belongings.

Thank-you cards and gifts

Gift culture offers many chances to practice gratitude. At New Year, children receive otoshidama (money given in small decorated envelopes called pochibukuro). A Web Japan page on the custom notes that recipients typically do not open the envelope in front of the giver. It is natural to say thank you, bow, and then leave the envelope closed until later.

After the holiday, some families encourage children to write a short thank-you note or call relatives to say thanks. A card can be as simple as a drawing with the words "arigato" and the child's name. For young children, a parent can write the sentence while the child adds a picture.

Gift-giving also runs in both directions. Children may help choose or wrap something for a relative, or draw a card for a teacher at the end of the year. Giving as well as receiving shows that thanks is part of a relationship, not a one-time reaction.

Greetings and school habits

Daily greetings are a quiet form of gratitude and respect. Ohayo gozaimasu (good morning) is used until about 11 a.m., according to the Wikipedia article on Japanese etiquette, followed by konnichiwa and konbanwa later in the day. Children are taught to greet neighbors, teachers, and classmates, and many schools make greetings part of the morning routine.

School lunch gives another daily chance. In Japanese elementary schools, students commonly serve lunch to their classmates, and the class often says itadakimasu together before eating. Kids Web Japan, a government-run site for young readers, describes small student teams taking turns serving lunch to classmates. Sharing the work helps children see the effort that goes into every meal.

Other school rituals include thanking teachers at the end of a lesson or at the end of the school day. Practices differ from school to school, so ask your child's teacher what routines are used.

Where these habits come from

The Wikipedia article on itadakimasu says the phrase may trace back to the Asuka period, when Buddhism was dominant, and that its earliest documentation comes from an 1812 etiquette book. It adds that a Buddhist sect later encouraged the habit and that it spread into daily life. Whatever its exact origin, the phrase is now a secular custom for many families as well as a religious one.

The same spirit appears in food education, called shokuiku, a national policy coordinated by the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries. The Basic Act on Shokuiku, passed in 2005, presents food education as a basis for living that helps people learn about food and choose a healthy diet, and the ministry publishes English-language resources on the topic.

Gratitude as a daily practice is therefore supported by both family custom and public policy. For overseas parents, the useful point is that these habits are short and repeatable. A few seconds of thanks, said every day, add up to a strong family culture. This guide shares general cultural information, not professional advice; if a child has trouble with social habits, talk with a pediatrician or local clinic.

Tips for overseas parents

Families outside Japan can adopt the gentle structure without needing perfect Japanese. Choose a short meal ritual, such as a moment of thanks before eating. Itadakimasu works well as a shared word, or the family can use its own words. The point is a regular pause, not a particular phrase.

Model thanks aloud. Say thank you to the bus driver, the cashier, the cook, and the child who helps. Keep it specific: "Thank you for carrying the bags" teaches more than a general "good job." Praise when a child says thanks without a reminder, and keep reminders private and gentle.

Add a weekly thank-you moment. Children can name one person who helped them and one small thing to be thankful for, then draw or write it on a card. Keep the moment short and cheerful, perhaps at a weekend meal, so that it feels like a treat. Over time, children often start to notice kindness on their own and mention it without prompting.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does itadakimasu mean?

Itadakimasu means "to humbly receive." Japanese people say it before eating to show gratitude for the food and for the people and natural elements that made the meal possible. It is paired with gochisosama-deshita after the meal. Children usually learn it at home and in daycare, often with hands pressed together.

What is okagesama?

Okagesama roughly means "thanks to you" or "thanks to everyone's help." People use it to credit others for their good fortune, often when answering how they are. Teaching it to children encourages them to notice the support behind good things, such as teachers, friends, and family members, without turning thanks into a lecture.

How can parents abroad teach gratitude the Japanese way?

Start with one small daily ritual, such as a thank-you phrase before meals. Model specific thanks to people around you, let children help with cooking or cleanup, and write simple thank-you cards after gifts. Praise sincere thanks, keep reminders gentle, and repeat the habit often so it becomes part of the family routine.

Want to go deeper? Tokyo Paul's book Japanese Discipline Secrets is available on Amazon.

Keep Exploring

More guides from Tokyo Paul: Itadakimasu and Gochisosama: Teaching Kids Table Manners, Kids and Money in Japan: Allowances, Otoshidama and Saving Habits and Shokuiku: Japan's Food Education Approach for Children.